


On the wrong track

by TheRat77



Category: Shenny - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 14:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8755549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRat77/pseuds/TheRat77
Summary: Based loosely on the end of season seven





	

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Auf dem falschen Gleis](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/245377) by Der Unsichtbare. 
  * A translation of [Auf dem falschen Gleis](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/245377) by Der Unsichtbare. 



> The second story I started, .... and also finished.
> 
> ,Nothing is so deep,  
> and nothing is so hot,  
> like secret love,  
> of which no one knows what. '
> 
> (Proverb of the author's deceased grandmother..... In German, it rhymes more.)
> 
> -The figures and the names do not belong to me but are property of “CBS entertainment”, “Warner Bros. television” and “Chuck Lorre Productions”. The history serves merely the legible entertainment, and contains no profit striving for my side.-

Sheldon was still sitting on the seat of the “ _Del Mar Station_ ”- platform, and waited.

His hands were folded in his lap, and he stared straight ahead with an immovable face, without realizing what was directly before him.

His interior resembled a stormy sea in which the waves, whipped by merciless gusts, incessantly bouncing on each other, and even the ground victim of constant upheaval was.

_'It would not be long,_ ' he thought, with a slight hint of relief. The train would come soon, and he would turn Pasadena's back, and with it his work and his friends.

Where would it go?

He did not know it yet.

Somewhere where he could think undisturbed and come clear with himself again. Without any new messages, which could only increase his current confusion. At first, he had thought of returning home to Texas, but this intention had quickly vanished. About what concerned him, he could not talk with Missy and his mom would have listened to him, but afterwards she'd give him an elaborate lecture on the subject of ' _trust to god._ ' And on such a thing he was, at the moment, absolutely not eager.

So he had gone to the train station with the intention of leaving to the fate, where the next route would lead him. The ride alone would probably provide a degree of reassurance. He always had a weakness for trains, and the rumbling and pumping of such a thing had never before missed its effect.

Actually, Sheldon was absolutely not someone who had gone unplanned and unprepared through life, but in this case unforeseen circumstances had forced him to take this untypical step.

There had been a lot of happening lately. Changes that had hit him, and had shaken his inner structure. Both professionally and privately. However, but the most important thing for him, for his own shock, was not what would have been obvious to him and to anyone who knew him well.

It had begun with a crisis in the professional field, but the cause for his current psychological situation had not been this affair. His doubts whether his research on the “ _String_ _Theory”_ had any meaning at all, had tormented him, as well as the decision of the _“Caltech_ ” that he had to continue to work on it even he had already played with the thought to move over to Geology.

But also, given that he had a sensitive being, this had been nothing what Sheldon would not have known how to master.

Yes, it was fact that Sheldon had already left much worse affairs behind him. Once, his friends, during their common polar expedition, had made it seem as if his research had produced clear results. But they had only invented these because they wanted to keep his dissatisfaction and alleged insupportability within limits, which resulted in the fact that he had published a scientific triumph, although in fact nothing had been revealed at all.

This event had been much worse, and he had succeeded. His reputation in the academic world had not suffered, and the “ _misunderstanding_ ” had been universally acknowledged.

Technicly, the current problem did not have such a general relevance. It was a more a- confessedly deep- and more personal pinstripe, which would not take so long until it had healed. He had never understood it.

Why did others sometimes perceive him as insupportable? Just because he liked to act planned? Because he wanted to have a scheme, a meaning in his life? Because he respected cleanliness and was pedantic in both specialist- and routine matters? It had always been a mystery to him. Just as, at the beginning, the real reason he was sitting now at the station waiting for a train that would take him to somewhere. The true knowledge about it had caught him as a steam hammer, made him insecure, and made him doubt about himself, because, how mentioned, it weren't the results, his researches, or his work in general.

It was his blond neighbor who dominated his mind.

Penny.

This untidy, emotional, and irrationally controlled woman, who had now been living towards him and Leonard for seven years. Regarding her person there had something happening that had triggered something in him. Something that he had only gradually become aware of and had hit him ten times stronger than his disappointment about the current “ _Green Lantern”_ -movie.

He had always been against changes, and through Penny's engagement with Leonard there was now a real big one.

Since their declaration, Sheldon was captured by a strange kind of oppression, which had grown stronger over the course of time and had made him a victim of a permanent hustle and bustle. His ability to concentrate was, because of that, greatly reduced. Just as the orientation of his priorities as far as his goals were concerned, and also his dealings with his friends. He had been puzzling about it, digging in himself, searching for the reason why this happening so disturbed him obviously, and had come to the shocking conclusion that his feeling for his neighbor had been different for a long time.

Penny was a chapter of her own.

Even he always kept verbal battles with her, he enjoyed her company, and that from time immemorial. Without thinking too much, he had granted her more and more special rights, which he would not have considered for any other person, no matter how stubbornly this one had gone to try. His persistence to be that person's counterpart would only have grown, but with Penny it was different. He usually hated it when, for example, someone entered his bedroom, and he'd always told Penny she'd done it But the truth was, that it simply belongs to her and that he would miss it if she would not ignore this ignorance of his norms and rules. To draw attention to it had become a ritual, but it did not have any practical or generally serious value. Also, like his hints for that only his dear Meemaw could call him “ _Moonpie_ ”, or never to sit on the left of the couch, because that spot was unalterable his place, which she usually did not take into consideration. .... what annoyed, but also secretly amused him.

She just did it, and he tolerated it, because she was .... simply Penny.

Without Sheldon had noticed himself, she conquered, in the course of the time, a firm place in his life. And this formed an invisible bond between them, which was reflected in the fact that they had always been there for each other. And that without that there would have been a request for it. But these dual “ _meetings_ ”, however, had never been _“too_ _long_ ”. Over conversations in the stairwell, or in the laundry room it generally did not get out. The highest measure here and there were singled evenings with a common meal. Apart from that, their meetings were held within the framework of the circle of friends (apart from the trip to “ _Disneyland_ ”), and Sheldon had never expected that their relationship could go beyond a close but friendly one.

Nevertheless, there was a great familiarity that could not be overlooked.

Recently Leonard had told him that Amy had confided to him that she was a little jealous of the close relationship that had always existed between him and Penny.

And what Sheldon now knew, and also shocked:

Her jealousy was not wrong!

The certainty about it had come slowly, had slipped into his consciousness, and made him reflect on himself-to analyze himself. A first clue was an event, or rather a section, which was only a few months back. Leonard had gone on a research-trip, and had previously asked him to take care of Penny- within the limits of his emotional readiness, which he (at this time, rightly) credited him. Of course, he had done this, which had meant that he had spent more time in Penny s company than with Amy-who was after all his regular girlfriend.

The length of time he had spent practically uninterruptedly in Penny's presence had been something special.

It had been so different from the evenings when the whole group was present. He had Penny for himself. And had enjoyed it. The invisible bond, by his feeling, had become thicker and shorter at the same time.

The design of common leisure activities.

Playing of the three-dimensional chess.

Exchange of confidentiality and personal secrets which Amy not even knew.

It had been unique, and somehow seemed so right for him. Sheldon had even caught himself with the idea that he had imagined how it would be like if it could go so on and on, but he had driven this idea away quickly- was that, after all, an indirect desire that Leonard should not return. And he could not allow that for himself, because he missed his roommate really sincerely.

Nevertheless, not long after, an incident had taken place concerning his best friend, which had been very revealing. Normally Sheldon was always in agreement with the motives of any objections about anything, but when Leonard had secretly returned earlier, his own reaction had made him difficult to deal with. What had been wrong with the fact that Leonard had surprised his girlfriend, and that he had wanted to spend time undisturbed with her?

Correct.

Actually nothing.

It had been perfectly justified. Sheldon had no reason to be angry about anything. And yet he had felt something different. He had felt... himself.... hurt. Even offended. Was even become really bitchy.

He had felt like if he had been betrayed-that something had been taken from him.

This, too, had given him thought in retrospect, and disclosed a relevant fact. Penny was indeed not “someone” for him.

How mentioned, she had very fast held a special social position by him, but Sheldon had also realized that he had other relationships with her.

The physical aspect was also such a thing. How it came that he refused Amy continually and consistently, but had no problems to get touched by Penny? Had he let his chest also get rubbed by another one when he was sick? The answer was, after careful consideration, clearly negative.

She had also been the first woman he had ever embraced voluntarily (and that two times), and the embrace which she had finally “forced” on him (on one of those common evenings when Leonard was at the north sea) had touched something in him, as hardly anything else could do. Sheldon had already noticed that there was something different, that he had to fight against the serious impulse, to put his arms around Penny, to push her to herself..... and to let her not go. But he had mastered it, had left it with a light patting on her back, and a comment in connection with this “ _gorilla_ ”- movie in which Penny had played.

After that it had gone on as before, but also in this matter the material stock was clear now. Penny was the only person of female sex to whom he felt an emotional as well as physical attraction. The embraces and the physical care in case of illness were not to be wiped away. Even when they had both flattened by a strong flu, which forced Leonard to fly to Switzerland with Raj, had been such an indication, ....because, .... under these circumstances, had he allowed also another person than Penny to be so close to him?

Also, here: No.

And with which other woman he would have ever organized a “ _Wrestlemania_ ” in his living room?

It was on a memorable and recent game evening, which developed so that they had a “ _guys vs.girls_ “-match .... in which Leonard and he had “perished” in nearly every discipline. Amy had contributed the idea that sports competitions should be part of the program, and Sheldon was no choice but to join if he had wanted to stay. It had been strongly opposed to him to perform a “ _catch_ ”-fight but when the lot had fallen on Penny as his opponent, he had agreed - since he felt instinctively somehow safe with her.

Although then the fight for him had been extremely disgraceful, this was not the decisive point, but what immediately followed. After Penny had brought him to the ground, with effortless lightness, and had still held down, she had suddenly begun to cover his face with kisses.

Probably it was nothing special for her. Just another little joking action behind-excepting the intention to cheer him once again-had put not any deeper feelings. But Sheldon had done something different. From the power of habit, he had prompted her to stop, but in reality he had felt a great pleasure when she had given him that “ _torture_ ”. Yes, he had even to stand up to the fact that it had bothered him when Amy followed Penny s example.

It took Sheldon a lot of spontaneous acting, to make it not obvious, and although all these events had confused him, they had not yet resulted in a great whole. This had only happened -after this doubt concerning his work had thrown him out of the course- as Leonard and Penny had declared that they are engaged.

He had never felt such a disappointment and vulnerability, as on this evening. He had never felt so much the need to direct his thoughts to anything else, as on Raj's announcement that he had coitus with Emily-which Sheldon did not really care about at all, but had given him a chance to distract himself.

For a time, it had continued to work like this, but soon-like a constraint-this thought had again taken his brain and within the question of what this declaration really meant to him. He had wanted to know how it would go on,.. what would soon come to him.

To find out, and also to appear unsuspicious, he had offered Leonard to live with Penny two days a week in his apartment for trial, but when Leonard then declared him, that they were not planning to live with him at all, another dam was broken, and the lake of his grief had stepped another piece about the shore.

He would never be able to have Penny for himself anymore. Would always have to keep in mind that she would soon have “ _Hofsteadter_ ” as surname.

And THERE it had been.

The moment when he realized how much Penny really meant to him, that she was not a substitute- sister or a mother (or just a good friend), and how much her liaison with Leonard had always subliminally disturbed him. As long as they had only been this loose couple, he had still been able to tolerate the whole thing somehow. Their eternal banal quarrels for some voidness had left him with the idea that it would probably never be anymore. But now Penny was ready to bring her relationship with Leonard to another level.

To get absolute certainty about his feelings, Sheldon had researched inconspicuously. Read in books and also look up on the relevant technical sides at the web. And all his efforts had confirmed his acceptance / apprehension, as he was to Penny.

It was love.

Since then, he thought of her by day and by night. Had always her “ _picture_ ” before his eyes. The imagination that she would be the real firm (!) partner of Leonard in a not too distant future did not let him go. It took his peace, drew his mood permanently down. He had tried to conceal it as best he could, but which had quickly gone to the brink of its borders.

Sheldon could not keep secrets. It was a torture for him, which as a rule led to his facades becoming crumbled. At some point it would have been noticed (by someone of their clique), and as soon as the need for explanations had begun, it would have been quickly over. This lack of opportunities, and this nagging feeling of helplessness, had made it impossible for him to continue his stay in the presence of his friends.

Besides Penny, he could not see Amy at the moment. He knew she probably sincerely loved him, but was expecting something from him that he would never be able to give her. He had kissed her,... because he thought he owed it her-he knew now-because which other woman would have been willing to take such patience. For this he was infinitely grateful to her. But it did not change anything, because he did not love her. He valued her, liked her really very much- but more it was not. She was a similar spirit to him, a related intellect with which he could exchange. There could not be a common future that could transcend what momentarily was between them. About that he was now completely certain.

And although he did not want to hurt Amy, she had been the one who had given him the last hit with her proposal to go together with her. With the fact that Penny, the only woman for whom he had genuinely intimate feelings, was on the verge of taking a step which would put all the possibilities for him at Acta, this idea seemed to him like a grotesque.

It had been the final drop, which was still missing, and had caused him to flee. The only he wanted now was to bring the greatest possible distance between himself and these things which- as we could say- really tortured him. He was tired and mentally exhausted. How much Sheldon tried to concentrate,... Penny was only pushed again back into his mind.

Penny.

Not long ago, she had been here, and her presence was still felt for him. She had figured out with Leonard by GPS, where he was, had appeared together with him on the platform, and his roommate and best friend had tried to persuade him to stay. His arguments, however, were not conclusive and Sheldon appeared rather naively manipulative. So Penny had convinced Leonard to let him go, which again had triggered such an effect.

Sheldon knew she'd meant it just fine with him. She knew and understood him better than anyone else, and although he was deeply touched by this affection, he felt also a deep disappointment, because....how gladly he would have heard from her mouth the wish that he should have stayed. Hand in hand with Leonard, she had left the train station, and left him in a changing-bath of emotions. He still felt the kiss she had pressed him on his cheek before, and for a

moment, he had been tempted to go out of himself, and to confess to her what he actually felt. But he had not dared, but had looked after them, when they had left him, and since then had given himself up to his melancholy.

Apparently, his deranged state of mind was clearly visible to the outside, because a few of the other waiters had asked if everything was fine.

He had then only answered every time with a short “ _Yes, thank you,_ ” and then went right back inside.

Basically, he thought, the whole current situation was completely unbelievable. He was a man of logic and rationalism. His spiritual home was the world of formulas, of calculations. Everything that existed outside of it actually lay for him in the categories “ _not relevant”_ or “ _superfluous_ ”. And now he was sitting here and was about to leave all what had ever been important for him because of clumsy and primitive emotions.

Had anyone ever tried to tell him that before, he would have given this person a diagnosis of irreparable damage in judgment and reasoning. But it was a fact that it behaved like this and the Sheldon Lee Cooper who was waiting here was not a robotic image of his own or a counterpart from one of the many possible parallel dimensions, but he. That he would ever feel like that.

That a _woman_ ever would bring him so far.

And then also _this one_.

This whom he had, at the beginning, classified as probably the greatest possible disturbing-factor of his future life.

Sheldon turned his folded hands slightly, looked at his wrists, and thought of a metaphorical guess that had once made by his uncle-with regard to his diminished interest in human proximity- and which he could now clearly disprove.

_There was definitaly no water in these veins._

Sheldon awoke from his thoughts as his eyes stuck to his wristwatch, which told him that his train would have long since arrived. He looked around, realizing that the few people on the platform seemed visibly nervous. He stood up quietly and made a few steps straight until he could see the digital display of the station.

" _Twenty minutes later.”_

_'Of course,'_ he thought.

Frustrated, he gave a short sigh, and was about to go back to the seat, when he suddenly heard steps approaching behind him.

“Sheldon,”

he heard a familiar voice say, and after he had turned around in surprise, his eyes widened with astonishment.

 

 

_Here also the question: Is to be continued?_


End file.
